Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Dia dia lah, kita adalah kita.

"Are you scared of the things that they might put you through?
Does it make you wanna hid the inner you?"

It's like been forever since I last make a presentation in a big number of spectators. Back in my primary schoolhood I was an active child, always offering myself forward to answer any questions or make any speech. Even I volunteer myself to enter many kinds of public speaking competitions; whether in sekolah kebangsaan or sekolah agama.

I remember once in grade 5, mid of june or earlier than that i think.

My Bahasa Melayu teacher was searching for someone to become a speaker for public speaking competition representing my school. So I immediately ran to her, offering myself to become one. However my teacher had set her eyes on Adibah, who was petite but having a strong-firm voice; which was just right for being a public speaker. Thus, I was placed as a emergency-replacement girl in case anything happen. But it's okay since I obtain the golden opportunity to join all the practices that Adibah went through.

But Adibah actually didn't interest much in becoming a speaker.

The thing I remember then is; later, I was the one who stand up on the stage as the representative of my school. I practiced a lot in front of mirror, everyday, every and each time. Either by myself or with my parents. So the first round of the public speaking went smooth. But the second one I slipped my tongue and became blank on the stage. Instead of giving a proper lengthy speech, I just uttered "Sekian terima kasih" and went down with a blank mind.

Since that I got extremely nervous whenever I'm about to come forward. If I speak, I turn stutter. I lost my confidence as a speaker. Im unable to arrange my words well, not to mention to generate good ideas nor debating in front of many people.

In my secondary school, i became completely pessimistic; and having double personality, a cheerful one when i'm in my comfort zone, and a passive un-confident person in things that need my responsibility and liability.

Me now is completely different from who I was in my childhood years.


Macam so sad lah pulak. Haha.

Then i enter university, I met with lots of great people, and learnt a lot of new things about life. Knowing that people will be counted/valued in the Day of Judgement with what they do and not what they speak make me more confident. Sort of.


And last Monday we have to make a presentation on ophthalmology; in front of our professors and colleagues. I shivered a lot as time felt like passing so fast that suddenly my turn came up. Before I came in front, it was Fikri and Hanafi presenting with their great fluency and confidence; wearing smart suit and having great presentation slides.

So I said to my team members;

"Alamak cuak lah, Fikri ngan Hanafi ni terel sangat. Kite mana pandai cakap power macam diorang. Macam mana niiiii."

Pouting my anxious face. Haih. Rasa macam nak lari tau time tu.

But Noha said to me something suprising. Asyireen beside her nodded her head, agreeing with what Noha said.

"Ala, kenapa nak bandingkan. Dia dia lah. Kita adalah kita. Buat apa yang terbaik yang kita boleh buat. Tak payah fikir diorang."

I stumbled with those words. Yeap, for what reason I need to compare myself with them? I also, have my own quality. Just do the best and put the rest with Allah. No need to be down. It's you yourself that make things worse.

Jadi nabila,

Jangan banding
Jangan banding
Jangan banding

Jadikan yang hebat sebagai motivasi untuk kata anda mampu. Bukan untuk merendahkan.

K thanks Noha, thanks orang lain. Actually it's not just Noha said those things to me, kakak2 rumah dulu pun selalu je cakap benda yang sama. Cuma kita je yang selalu choose nak mencangkung di saat kita mampu menebarkan sayap untuk terbang.

Ok, thanks.


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