Sunday, December 2, 2018

Of Rainbow


It was raining on the day when i first hold your hand tightly;
Two rainbows came out at the end of the day;
And i love it. It makes me smile after a really hectic and awkward day.

Thanks Allah for such a big present.
May the love we outgrew together is for the sake of You.

Officially married :D

Thursday, October 11, 2018

Jangan halau rahmat Allah dengan banyak merungut

I dont know when exactly i attempted to make a post for this topic, but i love the title. I drafted this post since I was still in egypt.
Those time when going to usrah is not really a big struggle for me, i enjoyed it very much there.
(even now still not a hard struggle, why, because i have fatiah to go together with, khairiah to stay with, and all the fun usrah members to mingle with, as well as our awesome naqibah kak han. Ya Allah, ease my heart and make me steadfast in this road till the end of my life.)

About barakah and rahmat. 
Sometimes it is us who drive the goodness away,

Usually by our own negative thinking. Once a friend said to me,

"Jangan cakap diri sendiri miskin selalu tak ada duit, nanti betul-betul Allah bagi tak ada duit."

When we feel ourselves not having that much money when actually we got RM10 in our purse, doesn't it mean that we feel like RM10 is not enough for us at the moment? Are we calibrating "ada duit" with amount of money that we have? Oh kalau macam tu, orang yang just ada RM5 dalam purse dia semua miskin.

Then you merungut macam-macam tak ada tu tak ada ni, tak ada masa, tak ada makanan, tak ada baju. Sampai bebila pun hidup kau tak akan rasa lapang dan mudah, sebab at all time you tak puas hati dengan apa yang you dah ada.

And bila rasa tak puas dengan apa yang ada tu wujud dalam diri,
That is when the barakah goes away.

Kurangkan merungut,
Banyakkan bersyukur.

InsyaAllah, Allah akan tambah.
(Ibrahim: 7)






Random #11

I’m the one I should love in this world
Shining me, precious soul of mine
I finally realized, so I love me
Not so perfect but so beautiful
I'm the one I should love

-Epiphany

Monday, October 1, 2018

It's going to end soon

Today i wrote my resignation letter which will be send tomorrow to the main office.
4 months plus felt so short. It was not an easy journey, also not that hard (nyampah je bajet penuh cabaran dugaan haha) yet so meaningful. Life is so much merrier when this friend come along. Embarking wonderful journey with few educational programs around. Got new usrahmates. Learnt so much things, and of course lots more to learn.

Let's just enjoy this final month shall we?


i believe i have improved. at least, a little.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Abah became weird lately

Last friday i managed to go home (sungai besar) for 2 days 1 night. Quick escape before going back to KL on saturday's night as i have three interesting (delicious, hehe) talks to attend to on the next day. Courses held in hotels offer great buffets, who wouldnt be tempted for those free food? Wahaha.

Before going to bus station that evening, i sat in dining room to drink some plain water, besides having back my unfinished nasi lemak which i ate for breakfast. Thats when abah came in and ask me, "Do you want some toast with kaya and butter?" So i replied a quick "Yes" , well this is a rare occasion for me. Usually abah will take our food but instead he was the one offering himself to serve the food? Hmm. And not forget to mention, he then make me a cup of coffee meh.

Abah even took the initiative to send me to bus station, usually it will be either my mother or him. Instead they both go together. We arrived 5 mins earlier, and he waited with me for the bus (which he usually dont. Aiyoo so many surprises that evening). Also after i hopped on the bus, they stayed there until the bus went away.

Sure i felt abah was sad (yeke) as i havent been around him so much after graduation.
And in a few months, i will be starting my post as a houseman.



i cannot stand the look of abah's face worried about me




Thursday, August 30, 2018

Slow

Sometimes i wonder if im a slow person. Quite a number of times, i cannot pick up easily people stories or explanation. Macam budak blur yang orang menyampah nak cakap. Then rasa macam out from society. Hmm..

Saturday, July 28, 2018

Random #10

current essentials, as of 28/7/18
previous planner (kim ver) tertinggal kat rumah hafi, so sekarang angkut
yang ni. a simple one. ibu bagi.


Benda yang random nak ditulis:

1/ Disebabkan lama dah tak bawak kereta, maka dah tak pandai dah bawak kereta. 
Luls. Nasib baik lesen ada, at least.

Tu la orang kata, al ilmu bila amal ka assyajaru bila tsamar
Hang ada ilmu tapi tak amal macam orang yang takde pape

2/ Sekarang dalam keadaan yang tersepit di antara nak simpan duit atau nak belanjakan je demi kebahagiaan diri HAHAHA

Bcs i began to work just to get experience; not really for money. But still.

3/ Kesiannya orang muda yang income bawah RM1500, memang cukup makan. Apatah lagi yang dah berkeluarga.

4/ Bosannya hidup takde geng (dalam radius 10m) yang selalunya terlampau bizi sampai takde masa nak main game. Biasa inilah sumber inspirasi nak gerakkan sikit otot tulang/habiskan duit poket berjalan. Hahah ni random.

5/ Teringin nak kerja locum doctor nanti bebile in the future


Thursday, July 26, 2018

Define Beautiful

Today a lady came to our clinic requessting for vitamin c iv drip.

And she brought the vial herself, 
Coming frm unknown source/company.

In the box she holding, it just one vial left to complete all the set.

Confused, we asked Dr Sam abt it. And as expected dr sam refuse the request, saying the drugs need to be refered to kkm first. Plus actually no vitamin c drip/iv/depo has been approved by kkm yet till now. Haih! Ppl always want to become beautiful in easy way lah.. that greed to beauty had kill a lot —for ages!
 
Then the lady walked away with her nigerian husband.

Lady, 
Lets redefine the meaning of beauty. It's not being white is beautiful. It's your soul is. Your appearance. Look nicely presentable is enough. No need to much make up! No need to be underweight. 

Just be confident, polite and shine your own strengthness. That's how i see beauty in people.

Sekian.


Wednesday, July 25, 2018

No Nightlife

Everyday after 6pm, i would go home
Get a bath, wash my clothes (manually)
Solat and do all the evening cites

Then get on the bed and start to study
After 5 mins start to play games 😂
Then look out of the window seeing busy streets full of lights from all the vehicles passing by

Everyone seems to rush home.
It's good to have a reason to be a little bit busier at night.
Bcs now im not. Not even too tired to sleep early.

Haila bersyukurlah.
Buat yang terbaik dalam apa keadaan sekalipun. Kalau nak merungut tu memang tak akan habis. Just enjoy the flow.


Being Humble Gains More Respect

Really salute this one humble dr, whenever i called him he never refer himself as Dr

Just simply, "Hi, Patrick kat sini..bla2".
And always call us by our names

Really kind, soft, considerate, never leave his slot until he asked to do so (yang ni power!) And always attend the pt properly, ask them nicely abt themselves, dah makan ke belum, tinggal kat mana, sekarang buat apa.. whoever they are; from any backgrounds —Malaysian or not. 

#inspired

Sunday, July 22, 2018

Lazy Med Student

Recalling my med school life, i would say im a lazy student. Why? Bcs im not really enthusiastic in joining non compulsary ward round and operations; most of the time bcs i felt like not getting much benefit frm it as compared to reading and memorizing the books by myself at home. I always envied my collegues who tasted the "nikmat" of doing extra things in Kasr El Ainy. Why cant i enjoy as much as they do? Is it because deep within myself im not interested in medic as much i expected myself would do? Hmm.

Man, I reaaallly love medical studies very much esp when i understand the subjects well. Maybe bcs not mastering enough the subject made me not enjoying the rounds? 

.......,.......

Today we have Dr Nazmir around as our locum doctor. He is a great person who are very welcoming and easy going. 

So today a pt came complaining of sore throat and few others, as soon after the pt went away dr said to me "Nabila, lepas ni kalau ada patient datang awak duduk sini lah. Tadi saya buat knee examination, rugi awak tak tengok." I was like.. "ohh ok dr."

Then later in the evening another pt came. This time, a child whose parents said that she was feverish. I want to come in but as the parents are with the other 2 children were in the doctor's room, i changed my mind, thinking that the room will be too crowded if i joined in.

Then the same thing happen. After we dispensed the drugs to the pt, dr came and asked me again, "Nabila, kenapa tak masuk. You kena duduk sini, kalau tak nanti medical skill you akan rusted."

I gave my alasan but i felt really ungrateful by telling so. A good doctor offering you a good chance to learn, why aren't you grabbing it.

And when the dr said "nanti medical skill you rusted" tu i felt like macam kena ketuk. Actually takdelah rasa macam responsible sangat nak menjaga skill tu sebab, yela tak practice lagi as true doctor. Skill pun macam takde je sebenarnya. Haha. But still nabila, remember the oath that you've taken? And see, even the doctor expected me to possess the skill. Me —an egypt medical grad yang marhaen ni. Actually egypt students, we are trained enough by our professors and doctors, be proud of ur knowledge. Last time when i attend the GP symposium, the consultants explaining the things that we've learnt by hard during our fifth and sixth year, without any other odd extras! Everything were the same. Just practice je yang kita kurang sebab we are too much exam oriented.

................

So suddenly that thought of "aku ni memang pemalas" tu popped out in my mind. No not again nabila, pls take these opportunities that Allah gave to you to learn more; so that when you start ur housemanship youll be able to enjoy it quickly rather than thinking it's a detestable life to come through.

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Prove to them, firstly to yourself

This one sentence, semoga boleh terpahat dalam diri

"Kita orang belajar tinggi, buat perangai macam orang yang belajar."
-Ibu

Takkan sebab orang marah
Bermaksud kita kena marah balik?

Yup
Biar orang marah
Tapi kita tutup mulut mereka dengan usaha dan hasil

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

hipstermedically we can call it as "throw-pyrexia"

Assalamualaikum

Recently i got (or gett-ing, because it still happening) chickenpox, not knowing from who, when or where. Finally. So now my face is full with red dots ranging from macules, papules, vesicles, blisters and dried crusts. So does the other parts of body.

Once i told ibu that this really sucks. Because i feel healthy despite of all the visible symptoms on my body which made people worry/afraid. I cannot go out, i cant attend classes, i made lesson plans for my students but i cannot work it out because im infectious.

Then ibu said, "hilang pahala, dapat dosa lagi".
Sebab merungut dapat demam campak

...

Actually i think all those fuss/whim i made is actually just for the sake to unleash
the inner part of me that just want to get attention?
Macam ngade ngade gitulah

Meh nak reflect sikit
Just for my future-self's reading

The day after i got my mc, i decided to go to school to deliver it to my teacher, informing them that i cannot come for the next 10 days. Then i planned to enter a morning class (in my schedule), passing them handouts for exam together with instructions that should be conducted by the class committee, went to the other class afterwards to do the same, then to the third class to pass them the simplified note for the new chapter.

And i was eager to go to school,
too eager that it makes me still having the regret contracting chickenpox
Yeah, i mean, im too excited for new lesson..
Can't help that

So the night before i should prepare everything right
The ideas were running fast in my mind

Yet me was too lazy. I felt asleep during preparing the materials. Then the next morning, i woke up really late. My home to school is 15 mins away by motorcycle at full speed. But if i need to go out before 7.30am, I should prepared to leave 30 mins earlier because the road can be quite busy. Plus, i haven't photocopy the exam papers. Duh.

Sure, what happen next was ---- 
I LOST MY INTEREST TO GO TO SCHOOL
Haha. Dushh. 


But i still went there anywhere. I managed to finish everything on time
Drive like a racer, then run like a runner
And went back home. My mc-mode is onn

..................

What im reflecting is--

1. For sure if you done everything well, you prepare perfectly, you set everything nicely and deliver everything according to your schedule, of course you will be delighted to do EVERYTHING in your life. You will have fun and more energized to accomplish things.

But if you mess up, if you irresponsible, do everything late, not preparing well, everyone in this world will think that their life is not the best ever.

Your performance will be bad, your boss will be angry at you
You will be angry at other people too.. the world will never be better by this way

Do something, and be responsible.
You will feel like living. The world need you to form a better place for its inhabitants.
Jangan jadi lebihan dunia pulak.

2. Don't curse the disease. It's qada minallah. Semuanya dah tertulis kat luh mahfuz even before you born. Ibu said this to me:

"Haa, see rezeki tu milik Allah. Siapa kata bila nabila dapat kerja boleh dapat duit? (because before i fussed about having no money ngeh2 that i stressed about the need to work) Now you got the job yet you cannot make money in this 10 days. Just rehat je."

Meh. Sure. Allah is the best planner.


Ok sekian.

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

I can sleep anywhere

Assalamualaikum

Memang Allah Al-Mujib, within 1 week membebel pasal hidup takde tujuan, pappp minggu ni menjadi minggu tersibuk aku. Walaupun harini baru hari selasa. Dalam dunia ni takde benda yang rugi kalau kita always look at the brighter side. Being a doctor not the worst job on earth. Juga bukan job yang paling takde tidur. So, anggaplah waktu yang sedang dilalui ini sebagai sebuah latihan before nak tempuh waktu yang lebih dahsyat di kemudian hari. 

Fokus kepada apa yang diberi. Dalam tugas sebagai service provider kepada society, langkah yang dihayun itu pasti punya bermacam barakah. Alangkah rugi jika niatnya salah. Atau niatnya pendek, tidak luas atau jauh kehadapan. Sayang sekali, bila hanya penat yang dirasai. Cheer up wahai saya, bersama adik adik adalah medan terbaik untuk berbakti. Dan ladang untuk menanam pohon jariyah. Mana tahu tanpa di sangka ia menjadi saham kunci untuk masuk ke syurga?

Tapi, memang serius.

Allah tu Al-Mujib. Serius. Seriussssss! 

Friday, March 23, 2018

Gersang tanpa kesan

Ini adalah satu petikan daripada buku yang sedang dibaca yang tak habes habes sejak beberapa tahun yang lalu. Dikongsikan di sini sebagai peringatan buat diri ini yang entah kenapa ada satu zaman tu suka sangat terjah memorylane baca post sendiri:

"Pada umumnya, apabila seorang atlet tidak berlatih sekali, maka dirinya akan tahu -dan tentu Allah SWT. Bila dua kali tidak latihan, maka pelatihnya akan tahu. Bila tiga kali absen dari latihan, akhirnya penonton akan tahu.

Bagaimana dengan kita? Berkali-kali tidak latihan, berhari-hari tidak membaca referensi, kurang ibadahnya, sedikit tilawahnya, kikir sedekahnya, jarang silaturrahimnya, bahkan kurang berbakti kepada kedua orang tuanya, namun merasa enjoy saja mengisi materi tarbawi. Sehingga keringlah suasana, kerontanglah majelis dan gersanglah tarbiyah."


.
.

Yes, it will be very obvious yang kita akan berubah bila kita tak biasa bersama ibadah, tarbiyah, ect. At least i am. Very obvious. Sobs.

Cara fikir, cara cakap. Everything.

.
.

2nd petikan

"Menjadi murabbi itu pilihan sukarela. Sebab untuk masuk syurga tidak usah dipaksa-paksa. Kan aneh kalau untuk mendapat nikmat harus pakai taklimat?"

"Ikhlaskan saat melakukan tugas dan kewajipan ataupun ketika ditimpa kesulitan, karena seseungguhnya kita akan ditolong oleh amal kebaikan yang kita lakukan."


-pakshol

Monday, March 12, 2018

Manusia Sloth

6 days pasca BFG, dan sekarang berada di Malaysia
Mungkin sebab terbawa perangai sejak study leave, sekarang aku jadi manusia pemalas di rumah

Kembalikanlah aku yang produktif dahulu ya Allahhh
(kalau boleh lebih baik)