Never underestimate someone's potential

Bila sembang dengan ayuni, aku boleh rasa aku ni macam jenis makcik makcik konservatif. Semua tak boleh, itu salah, ini tak tepat.. bla bla bla. Haha. Tapi bila berhadapan dengan lautan manusia bermacam jenis, aku jadi kaget. Sebab manusia bukan robot, each of them ada keunikan sendiri yang dibentuk hasil gabungan pelbagai faktor kehidupan. Even setiap seorang anak yang datang daripada keluarga yang sama pun berbeza perangai dan cara fikir, apatah lagi manusia yang berbeza keluarga, negeri, sekolah, budaya, bangsa, dll.

Kepelbagaian itu satu rahmah btw. Takde lah hidup ni bosan. We should enjoy this dan jadikan benda ni satu bentuk kekuatan. Diversity is a bless.

Dan benda ni mengajar kita lebih berhati-hati bila nak respon to people rasa takut salah bagi pandangan. Dan bukan cakap based on apa yang hati nak cakap je.

Ok sambung cerita kisah ke-makcik-kan kite ni.

Sampailah waktu kita dah jadi senior, barulah lebih yakin. Sebab dah ada pengalaman. Takdelah bercakap hanya based on assumptions. So benda nilah yang aku try buat setiap kali pergi ke various meeting dan sembang-sembang antara orang. Cakap based on apa yang kita rasa dan lalui, dan bagi pandangan mengikut pengalaman diri. 

Tapi sebaliknya pulak berlaku. Bila kita bercakap mengikut pengalaman diri, kita selalu rasa flow orang tu akan jadi macam flow kita juga akhirnya, tanpa mengira faktor perbezaan kemampuan, suasana sekeliling yang kian berubah dek zaman, faktor peluang dan halangan yang wujud, yang mungkin berbeza dengan apa yang kita lalui, walaupun bezanya hanya setahun.

Kita rasa dia mampu, sebab dulu kita mampu. Dan yang sebaliknya juga..

Rupa-rupanya tanpa sedar aku dah jadi makcik konservatif. Haha.

Beri peluang pada yang lain. Guide mereka mengikut pengalaman kita supaya dia tak pijak lubang yang sama dua kali. Tapi bukan bermaksud kita tak bagi dia lalu jalan yang sama. Cuma ajar, bila jumpa lubang tu, try lompat atau fill something so that dia boleh lalu dengan selamat, dan reach destinasi yang kita gagal capai itu.

Betapa ramai sebenarnya orang yang aku sendiri jumpa dalam hidup yang pendek ni, dia bermula sebagai seorang yang lain, tapi entah kenapa dan macam mana, in the middle dia berubah, and end up menjadi orang yang lebih hebat daripada orang sekeliling dia. Like a snap, gitu je. 

Aneh sangatt

Dan ada juga yang sebaliknya.

So never underestimate someone's potential. Allah knows him better, so kita kena doa banyak-banyak supaya semua orang ditemukan dengan jalan yang dia boleh berpotensi penuh dalam hidup ni. Sebab kita pun bukanlah kekal ok selamanya. Banyak sangat halangan dalam kehidupan ini yang menyebabkan kita kena berhati-hati sepanjang pendakian.

Osce is scary

So ranting out about prev exam, among all the internal meds exam that i took in this long final year journey is the last osce (short cases). Again, of course exam is all about your preps before facing it but rizq also determine wheter you'll being doing good or not. Questions, doctors, findings, your level of anxiety.. Everything was written (maktub) beforehand so always anticipate surprises that Allah want to give us. If something bad happen, don't be over depressed, let's try to do better next time okay.

Honestly I didn't prepare that well before the exam, but i did study somehow. And im quite confident. But eveything changes once you enter the examination room. Our doctors were quite challenging (i mean; psycho?) but when i think back, they were helpful in other way. I was examined in 4 basic cases; ascites (abdomen), MR (cardio), copd (chest), umnl of upper limb (neuro). In every station we were given 6 mins for examination and discussion then someone will say "shifttt!!" and we'll move to the next station.

The exam went quite well but still i felt kinda anxious. I dont know my answer are okay or not, i think i didn't do well but.. nevermind. Ngeh. That's why im saying its scary.

1. The doctor are there during examination

2. The doctor can be reaaaaallllyyy observant macam nak makan korang. Worse if he/she mask-faced

3. The time for discussion is not that long so you're not really sure if your answer is true or wrong

4. Gelabah is your worst enemy. Masa examine tu boleh pulak aku cakap ممكن اشفيك (can i heal you) instead of اشوفك (see you) or افخصك (check you) lol dah rampas kerje tuhan pulak nak sembuhkan orang -.-

But i have lots of thing that i've learned. The things that i want to reflect for is:

1. Always active in class and do participate in the discussion!!!

You might do the examination very well but you are not really capable to do a good report/presentation. Plus jangan rasa bosan atau rasa malas masa dalam kelas/round sebab long term memory tu sangat berguna masa saat2 kecemasan bila doctor tanya soalan mana-mana entah.

2. Training makes you better

So always train yourself to hear heart sounds, murmur, lung sounds, diff between normal and exaggerated reflexes..these stuff really need TRAININGGGGGGGGGG. 

3. Be brave and proud

Lantaklah salah jawab ke kena gertak ke, selagi mana kau rasa kau buat benda betul, teruskan je ikut scheme. If they dont accept your answer on the first blow, give reasoning why you answer so

4. Always be grateful for your teachers and patients because they were there to help you to know more. That's also what exam is for. That you know you are on which level and what are the things that you need to improve.

Itu sahaja. Lagi 3 exam dan 3 hari lagi nak new year. Whoah.

x

How time can be really precious to the ones who really need it

It has been nearly 4 months since August 2017. Back then before our internal medicine exam start, time tu really rasa macam takde masa. Bangun awal, tidur lambat, minum bercawan coffee, sebab rasa takde masa. Banyak benda kena pulun, kena settlekan baca dan hafal. My eyes got swollen sometimes, ada dark circle siap (tapi tak permanent pun), i eat more junkies than normal sebab rasa takde masa nak masak proper meal (luls). Kitorang balik dari raya aidiladha terus duduk rumah 3-4 hari straight sebab nak baca buku. Serious nerd haha.

But nowadays after 4 months of battle, rasa macam dah tak heran dah dengan exam. One thing, maybe because kitorang pun dah pernah baca all those stuff before so perasaannya tak sama lah dengan waktu nak exam end round hari tu. I remembered the anxiety that i had back then, keluar rumah awal, bawak siap2 sarapan sandwich costa sebab semalamnya otlob tapi tak sempat makan malam tu, dan even before the exam started seriously takde selera nak makan. Sampai tertidur tunggu giliran dalam kelas kat wad19 tu. Maybe sebab risau sangat kot, maklumlah end round oral. Long case.

Comparing my life then with today, sekarang baru jam 8.30pm tapi dah buntu nak buat apa. Tak tahu nak baca apa dah. Bila tidur malam dah takde motivasi nak kejar bangun seawal mungkin or stay productive selepas subuh. Hmm.

Lalu aku merasakan betapa nikmatnya mempunyai tujuan dalam hidup. Bila kita ada something nak kejar. Really it's a bless. Kalau tak jadi lah lembik macam ni. Ayam lagi bersemangat berkokok waktu pagi daripada aku sendiri.

Really it is a bless.